Friday, May 28, 2010

The New Crazy

I've been bin-diving the crazy online for a long time now, always trying to keep my itchy finger on what's driving the fringe, and one thing that hasn't changed in years is the über-far-right conspiracy mania over government surveillance of us all ("They watch us poop! And they know what you ate last night, too!") and the ever-present, ever-popular BLACK HELICOPTERS!

Gotta love them black helicopters, man, that's a classic.

But now,tThe teabagger/wingnut/libercrazians have finally done it - inverted their own sense of reality, turning themselves inside out to pull the last bit of crazy into the light of day.

Current TC (Top Crazy), Rand Paul, son of famous former TC, Ron, is now begging the big scary government to watch us from the skies - and to send in the helicopters!!!

Wow. It's a philosophic reality flip-flop of incredible dimensions, kids. I bet tachyons are leaking from RP's toenails over this one. Space and time are ripping! C'thulhu is rising! Children are being born today speaking fluent Esperanto, the old are aging backwards, John McCain is acting honorably and Rahm Emanuel has stopped swearing...for Lent!

All I can say is "Congratulations!" And Philip K. Dick would be proud.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Dirty Diaper Theory of Free Market Baby

Overall, my opinion of Libertarians (thanks for asking, by the way), has been one of non-committal, reluctant acceptance of their existence. While I like some of the basic libertarian ideas regarding individual rights they have, they tend to take everything to an extreme. Especially if it involves property and property rights.

Why do they fetishize property rights so much? Things and what one is allowed to do with things are of over-arching concern to Libertarians. I find this especially confusing because in the United States, at least, the classical definition of libertarianism has for much of the 20th century been hip-joined to socialism. Very anti-thing, if ya know what I mean.

But somewhere along the way, libertarianism met capitalism and had a baby called the free market. This greedy little baby requires unlimited resources and zero restrictions on its growth to survive.

"FEED ME!!!" screams this bastard child!

"DON'T FENCE ME IN!!!" it hollers.


It cries so hard and so long that we come to believe what it is saying. We fear that if we stop feeding it everything it wants, stop giving in to its demands, try to reign in its unimpeded growth, the world as we know it will come to an end.


It's time to put the baby on a diet, kids. Time to pull the feeding tubes and make a great big double-duty belt - for tightening around its waist as much for beating it when it whines.

And the next time baby decides to shit all over us, maybe we'll have a diaper ready. We can't let the fat little bastard run around pantless anymore. It's time for baby to grow up. Or die.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Arizona is Mr. Burns!

Arizona has lowered the national IQ by half. We're now at 25, folks. And getting lower every minute. Soon, Amerka won't be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. Amerka won't be able to sit and chew gum. Even Velcro won't help us keep our shoes on.

Arizona has gone Mr Burns on Los Angeles! They're gonna take away their "electrons" for being all uppity in AZ's face about their racist/fascist (you say "idiot" and I say "idjit") new Braun Volk  Brown Folk Suppression Law of 1939 2010.

Somedays it really is worth waking up, when you can spend your day laughing at dipshits and nimrods like this. Thank you, Arizona! And good luck with them electrons!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Jesus M. Christ (The "M" is for Marxist)!

I ever tell ya'all about two of my favorite TV shows and why they are favorites?

What, you ask, are they? What does the 'monkey love so much: The Beverly Hillbillies and Columbo.

They could hardly be more different at first glance, I know. One a sitcom about hillbillies in Beverly Hills - what? How crazy can that be? (Will someone please tell the Palin family that it's not a documentary). And the other a detective drama about starring a glass-eyed slob?

But when one looks closer, one sees the commonalities. Of course, both are set in Los Angeles, more or less. And both are about class warfare.

Yes, yes they are. As they say on all the wingnut and freeper blogs, just give me a chance and follow me on this... (I love it when I find a blog post that starts like that - it's straight to crazy town from thereon in!)

First, Columbo is the salt-of-the-earth working glass schmuck who is also the worst nightmare of every murdering high-class rich sumbitch. They all think they are smarter and better than him, they all look down on him, they all treat him like crap and threaten him - and in the end, always smiling, he sends them all to jail. (Occasionally, the murderer is not wealthy, merely class-conscious or extraordinarily self-centered and egotistic, but they all treat Columbo the same).

Everyone's favorite hillbillies are always playing the class card, too. In fact, without it, the show would suck. The juxtaposition of earnest, decent, caring, formerly poorer than dirt Jed and family with the vacuous and the greedy of Beverly Hills and Hollywood is the greatest little class-conscious morality play ever. There's never been an American TV show that better exposes the enormous divide between the wealthy and the poor than the Beverly Hillbillies.

This all came to mind today while I was reading this excellent little essay about Jesus and his love for the poor. My Smart Wife and I were just talking about this, too; about the lack of caring for the poor and the out and downcast that so many Christians we know can apparently justify with their "faith" in Jesus. And we don't get it. But this smart fella nails it pretty good, as far as I'm concerned. He even makes me want to re-read the New Testament. Been a while...