Dear John...

Dear John McCain:

I'm so very glad that you are not our President.

With your retro-vision of American power at all costs, I'm sure we'd be hauling our once mighty fleet of B-52s out of the desert sands of their tomb and preparing to bomb Iran back to the Stone Age.

Or would you be doing that to the giant shantytown camps of homeless and jobless that would be filling the nation as a result of the assuredly trainwreck economic policies your corporate overlord-advisors would have forced upon us?

Or maybe the gays? To keep them from destroying marriage?

Atheists? 'Cuz God got scared?

Well, you'd be bombing someone, somewhere, I'm sure. Whoever pissed you off the most when you had to answer the phone at 3am.

Thanks for being such a loser, John. Just wanted to let you know that someone out here appreciates you for it.

Take care (and shut the hell up all the time, please!)

Love,

gomonkeygo

PS It's because of revisionist baloney like this that I took mouse in hand to write you today, dear John:

DAVID GREGORY: Let's get right to it on Iran. How does the U.S. deal with an emboldened Iranian President Ahmadinejad?

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN: Well, we lead; we condemn the sham, corrupt election. We do what we have done throughout the Cold War and afterwards, we speak up for the people of Tehran and Iran and all the cities all over that country who have been deprived of one of their fundamental rights. We speak out forcefully, and we make sure that the world knows that America leads - and including increased funding for part of the Farda, Iranian free radio.

Johnny Taliban to the Rescue!

Dear John:

Still all bitter and angry about "That one!" winning in November, eh? Well, although the traditional media is still mancrushingly in love with you and the idea that you at least of all your party colleagues could rise above toilet-level partisan politics, I knew better. I knew you wouldn't disappoint the American people when it comes to disappointing the American people.

Only a couple weeks into Obama's Presidency and you are emerging as one of the ringleader's of the Republican "insurgency." Oh, and a heckuva line there about "generational theft" - I think that's what My Smart Wife's been calling the Iraq War for years! You owes her monies. Lotsa monies.

(BTW, a nice touch that whole "insurgency" idea. What late night meth-party did that one come out of? I know you haven't been using it personally, but your buddies are, John, and I don't hear you condemning them. I've always relied on Republicans to be consistently creepy, but this is skin-crawl territory of the highest order, comparing your party favorably to an enemy we are at war with. Bravo!)

Face it: You're a loser, John McCain, a complete and total loser. The American people told you that overwhelmingly last November. Try and remember that crushing defeat and learn from it. I know that's hard, as you've never been one to learn from your mistakes (how many planes did you crash?) but if you want to be a real American hero - and not just a guy who disobeyed orders and got his plane shot out from underneath him and ended up a prisoner of war through a combination of his own stubbornness and stupidity - then shake off the petty dogs of your party from your ancient ass and actually do something positive. Help the American people.

Be an inspiration, John, be a force for good, be positive and stand like a patriot by your President. You can support him while respectfully outlining your differences, putting the crisis of our economy before partisanship, before pettiness. That's what a leader does. That's what a hero does. Right now, you ain't no hero, John. And thank Zombie Jesus that you ain't our leader.

So long and smell ya later, loser.

Love,

The 'monkey

Hey, Joe!

Joe McCarthy's ghost is haunting John McCain's campaign a lot these days, chortling with glee, shaking the red-hot chains of Hell wrapped around his bloated throat, egging McCain and Palin and their demonic surrogates and racist supporters on and on an on to greater heights of lunacy and depravity in their almost demonic obsession to keep control of the White House in the hands of the Republican Party and keep a black man out of it.

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Now playing: Roky Erickson - Stand For The Fire Demon
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Insert Caption Here

A moment of levity is called for after the last of the 2008 Presidential debates, as we find out that the Secret Service is derelict in its duty toward Barack Obama and openly partisan in its actions, as we endure more racist bullshit from the people McCain so brazenly defended last night, as Obergruppenführer Sarah continues her mad rampages into Bizarro World, intent on destroying the last vestiges of dignity still clinging to the Republican standard.

If you can think of any captions to make this already insanely funny picture even funnier, leave them in the Comments, please.

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Out of the Closet: John McCain

John McCain is Gay. He's also Black. And Hispanic. And Jewish. And he's a Socialist, Atheist, Teenboy-Loving Pedophile.

[Proper nouns must now by used to refer to all groups and subgroups of Americans per President Bush's recent Executive Order No. 102,398, aka "The Telling It Like It Is Order"].

After all, John McCain has been serving in Congress for decades with Gays, Blacks, Hispanics, Jews, at least one Socialist, an Atheist and one known Pedophile (and who knows how many others?).

And, through the perfect and non-refutable logic of guilt by association, John McCain is a Gay, Black, Hispanic, Jewish, Socialist, Atheist Pedophile. Probably Vietnamese, too.

It's the only logical conclusion that any decent, reasonable person could draw.

Why doesn't John McCain come clean to the American people about these things? What is he hiding? Why isn't he honest about his Gayness and his God-Hating and his Boy-Loving? Why can't he tell us why he's a Socialist? What's the deal with his being Hispanic, too? How come he never talks about that?

What is John McCain hiding? And why isn't Fox News covering this breaking story?

PS Isn't "Sidney" a girl's name? Is John Transgendered, too?

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Now playing: The Terminals - Ministry of Lies
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I Am Not A Number!

It's official. We're all being shipped off to the The Village soon, kids. Dibs on No. 6.

I love you Patrick McGoohan. Seriously, I am in love with you. Why won't you answer my letters?

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Flyin' the Double Standard

It's known but not much discussed that one of McCain's campaign aides was a lobbyist for Georgia (the country, not the home of the last American President I thought worthy of the title, Jimmy Carter).

But after the last two debates, I can't help but wonder what if any ties McCain or his lobbyist cronies - sorry, "advisers" - have with the Ukraine. He keeps talking about the threat to the Ukraine - it seems really, really, really, really important to him. But why?

Gosh and darn, but it didn't take long to find out! Seems ol' Ricky Davis has had his fingers in that yummy Ukrainian pie too. As well, RD was instrumental in getting McCain to meet with (and have drinks and dinner with!) a possible Russian mobster.

John McCain's new campaign slogan: "Do as I Say, Not as I Do!"

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Throw Another Book On the Fire, Sarah, It's Cold Outside!

I've come to one conclusion about Sarah Palin: She's a great agitator and manipulator.

I don't know if she truly believes a thing she says, but she can make other people believe her. She insinuates well. She gives hints to her base about how they should act. She empowers them, gives them the freedom to publicly act in ways they wouldn't condone from any other group.

Example:

Worse, Palin's routine attacks on the media have begun to spill into ugliness. In Clearwater, arriving reporters were greeted with shouts and taunts by the crowd of about 3,000. Palin then went on to blame Katie Couric's questions for her "less-than-successful interview with kinda mainstream media." At that, Palin supporters turned on reporters in the press area, waving thunder sticks and shouting abuse. Others hurled obscenities at a camera crew. One Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American sound man for a network and told him, "Sit down, boy."

This should scare you. But it gets worse:

The reception had been better in Clearwater, where Palin, speaking to a sea of "Palin Power" and "Sarahcuda" T-shirts, tried to link Obama to the 1960s Weather Underground. "One of his earliest supporters is a man named Bill Ayers," she said. ("Boooo!" said the crowd.) "And, according to the New York Times, he was a domestic terrorist and part of a group that, quote, 'launched a campaign of bombings that would target the Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol,' " she continued. ("Boooo!" the crowd repeated.)

"Kill him!" proposed one man in the audience.

Scared now?

Palin is telling her base that it's okay to express their inner racist child, to scream racial insults, to threaten death to African-Americans. Not a problem for her or John McCain, so long as it puts them in the White House.

What can we do about this? How can we react without acting like them?

One way - give Obama your time and your money. It's easy to donate; I've done it several times. Or volunteer if there is an active group in your area. If you can't volunteer, put a sign in your yard. It may not seem like much, but in this kind atmosphere its a symbol of your desire for change. It's even, depending on where you live, an act of courage.

And write your local paper. Again it may not seem like much, but most papers are actually starved for decent letters to publish these days. Some take emails, but many still don't and their In-Boxes are pretty empty. Give them your opinion, tell them why you support Obama, why we need to fight for the future.

Most importantly, really talk to people. Be the Anti-Palin. I know I mock a lot here, but that's not how I talk one-on-one with people. This is public play and political theatre, not interpersonal communication. Use your innate common sense and sense of decency to explain why you are voting for Obama and what an Obama presidency means to you. It's that simple.

I gotta go now. I think my lawn sign needs straightening.

Vote Obama!

Update: Paranoid validation. At least I'm not the only one using the eyes in the back of my head.

Update (x2): More about the violent rhetoric and fear mongering of the McCain-Palin campaign. With links to further stories.

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Sunny With a Chance of Doom

There was a fascinating moment of slippage this evening on Hard Ball. A gentleman named Mike Paul was stumping for McCain, talking about Obama and William Ayers, backing up Palin's remarks about Obama's relationship with the former radical.

During the exchange, Matthews threw Paul a question, but in typical "Gawd I love to hear my own voice go on and on and on forever" Matthews fashion, he had to bookmark the question by saying "of course Ayers was a Weatherman in the late 60s."*

To which, a stunned or just befuddled looking Paul said something to the effect of "Oh, sure. Yeah. Of course," before launching into his own remarks.

You had to see it to get it, especially that look on Paul's face, but the thing here is that Paul - while speaking out against Obama on Ayers for McCain - didn't know what Matthews was talking about. He thought Matthews meant that Ayers was a meteorologist in the 1960s; he was clueless as to the historical significance of Matthews' comments.

This is the intellectual rigor of the McCain campaign on display. Send out a half-prepared surrogate to spout the talking points, irregardless of whether or not they understand them.

This is the poor planning, bad campaigning and sheer desperation of the McCain campaign on display. And it speaks volumes about the type of governing style McCain would bring to the White House.

This is just one example of many I could have chosen to represent the McCain campaign but they all have a common thread: John McCain has chosen self over country and will do anything to obtain his goal.

One of the primary reasons I am voting for Barack Obama is that I'm tired of being treated like a short bus child by my President. I am tired of my President and his advisers thinking that they can throw crap at me and the American people in hopes that if they throw enough of it, some will stick. I am tired of being lied to and tired of being manipulated, tired of being used by men and women I wouldn't invite into my house for fear of never getting out the moral stank of them.

I want a President who doesn't speak down to me or my wife or my son, who will treat us as intellectual, ethical, moral and political equals. I think this is Barack Obama.

I want a President who will face up to the problems of the nation, like our avalanching economy, and not run away and say that he'd rather not deal with it because it will make him unpopular. I think this is Barack Obama.

Finally, I want a President that I can be proud of when he is representing us to the world, to foreign leaders and foreign peoples, a President that will show the world the almost lost face of American diplomacy and the inherent power of that diplomacy when practiced by intelligent men and women who have a firm grip on the ideals and history of this nation. Contrary to what our current President has told us for years, much of the world loves and idealizes this country and what it stands for. We have to show them that we also love and idealize this country and that, as Americans, we understand the special role and the unique responsibilities we've carved out for ourselves in the affairs of the world, that we take that role and those responsibilities seriously.

I think this is Barack Obama.

Vote Obama!

* I'm paraphrasing - I cannot find a clip of this exchange and left my steno pad in my asbestos long johns. Don't ask.

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Sad, So Very, Very Sad Today

Sigh.

I was going to start a pool tomorrow, taking bets on how long it would be before McCain-Palin surrogates started saying "Hussein" again. I was betting on Wednesday.

But they beat me to it.

The Republicans are more on the ball than I gave them credit for. Or more willing to disgrace themselves and their party. Whatever. Same diff.

Sigh.

PS That is a picture of my actual sad face. I think the camera adds ten pounds. And fangs. And bulging eyes. Weird ears. And removes hair. But otherwise 100% accurate.

Addendum I have written and not posted three really positive bits about why we should all vote for Obama, but everytime I get online, I get so dang pissed off that I pitch them. I gotta get help. I've got a problem. (A problem besides the ability to see the world in shades other than black and white, I mean).

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Red Alert! Red Alert!

It's kinda like Kirk screaming, "Khan!" You know it's gonna happen, but you just don't always know when.

Well, as predicted here at The New Disease, the inevitable McCain campaign scream has happened. And the magic word is:

"Commies!"

Yeah, McCain's brother, Joe (who here even knew he had a brother? does he ever talk about family except when he's lying about how and when he cheated on his first wife and that even if he did it doesn't matter 'cuz they're friends now?) - Joe hit the stump for his bro' and made a "joke" about living in "communist country"!

Evidently, Commie Central in the United States is not San Francisco or Chicago, but Arlington, Virginia. Yup. Who'd a thunk it. But that's where Joe has lived off and on for years and I guess he should know. And so should his brother, who owns a condo in Arlington (this is probably the one he spent all of his recent time in while suspending/not suspending his campaign to save the country from economic ruin by making phone calls and hanging at his campaign headquarters when not eating at fancy restaurants - you know, not "phoning it in" like Obama was).

Phew! Got that off my chest. I know it's snarky but no matter how much I wanna be good, I'm finding I can't do it all at once. It's a twelve-step program for me, I guess. Snarks Anonymous? Oh, I guess joining something with the acronym SA is pretty wrong, eh? And I keep using folky Palin-esque talk, too. Dang it! Help me, Raptor Jesus! Save me from myself!I give unto you my left arm and several child-sized cured hams!

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Nero Fiddles...

Elitist wealthy pig John McCain and sniveling co-hort Joe Lieberman dined sumptuously with their respective spouses while hardworking (if blind and ignorant) Congressional colleagues tried to bail out Wall Street's fat, bloated corpse.

Vote Obama!

Screw John McCain.

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Twirling, Twirling, Always Twirling!

We watched the debate last night, like some of ya'all probably did. We had cold Wisconsin beers and delicious hot snacks with cheeses melted on and in them for our eating enjoyment pleasure, but we also had our wits about us.

It didn't take very long to notice that McCain couldn't or wouldn't look at Obama. His body language was painful to watch. He was so full of contempt for Obama it leaked through his suit. (John, as Obama might say being the gentleman that he is, if you wear an adult diaper, sorry for that one). One Republican pundit said this was "classic McCain" in an attempt to dismiss it, because if McCain doesn't like someone, he won't even look at them.

Really? Then McCain must love Bush. He can't wait to throw his stiff arms around the guy and rub his expensive shoes on those thin little calves (I assume). Seriously, is this how he will act towards foreign leaders he doesn't care for or who represent countries that don't like us? I mean, that's every damn country in the world right now, including Spain - and thanks for that one, John! Where are we gonna get our tapas from now, huh!

Which leads me to the first of the two most disturbing aspects of McCain's performance last night:

John McCain sees enemies everywhere.

He's a true-blue never-die Cold Warrior. I kept waiting for him to say something about "the Commies" for chrissakes! (He did talk about the KGB...which hasn't officially existed since 1995, having been disbanded by Yeltsin). Threats everywhere. I think that if the United States isn't engaged in a huge idealogical war with all the keen and nifty political/economic/military repercussions of such, he ain't happy. His constant reiteration of the idea that America must win, win with honor, have victory, victory with honor (you see where this is going, right?) was like an echo from the past.

Which leads me to the second of the two most disturbing aspects of McCain's performance last night.

John McCain is stuck in the past.

He's still fighting Vietnam. That war never ended for him or for many of his generation. This is one of the reasons I couldn't have ever supported Hillary Clinton - I have no intention of refighting their generational conflict over Vietnam. If this were Clinton v. McCain right now, the culture war would be raging again. Not that they aren't trying, but it's so much harder to make muck when your leading culturista totem-girl is a bumbling Alaskan mayor.

And this leads me to the final aspect of last night's debate I want to touch on. The difference in style between McCain and Obama. I think this is generational, too, on one level. And it's something most of the pundits can't understand or wrap their heads around, especially those above a certain age, like Chris Matthews and Pat Buchanan and Wolf Blitzer and, oh, most of those morons. With a few exceptions, the pundits were all over Obama for not hitting McCain harder, for being gentlemanly and deferential, for treating McCain like an honorable opponent rather than a punching bag.

Dang. This is again the never-changing "Damned if he does, damned if he don't" meme, in that if Obama hadn't been the true statesman that he was onstage and had rather been the angry, in your face streetfighter the pundits wanted, he'd have been condemned as an - wait for it, you know it's coming, it's almost here! - "Angry Black Man"! The few pundits that either didn't expect Obama to be "All in that old white man's face!" or could read the situation without blinders on where those like Eugene Robinson, Keith Olberman and Rachel Maddow who either aren't old enough to be trapped in this generational conflict or still retain the mental flexibility required to see the world differently than it has been, to envision it as it might be.

And it's that ability to envision the future, to see what might be, to freakin' dare think and act like the world can be different that has me voting for the Senator from Illinois.

Vote Obama!

Screw John McCain.

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Now playing: The Stones - Fad World
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The New John McCain

He's old! He's pretty cranky! His left eye is doing weird things!

But this week he's reinventing himself as...the nosy neighbor?

Yeah, in order to divert media attention from the scandalous behavior of his campaign manager, Rick "Gimme the Money, Bitch! (Slap-slap-slap!)" Davis and his plummetingly unpopular VP pick, Sarah "I Kill Mooses!" Palin, John McCain proclaimed he was suspended his campaign (but he didn't), cancelling his teevee interviews (but he didn't) and jumping on the next plane to Washington (but he didn't).

Why? So that - eventually, when he finally got to Washington, about a day after he said he was going there - he could sit creepily in the corner at a meeting with Bush, Obama, a bunch of Congressional dweebs and that Frankensteinian experiment Paulson until it came time to butt-in and mess everything up.

Good job, John. By the way, besides keeping the press off your back, did this stunt have anything to do with the fact that you didn't bother to prepare for tonight's debate?

And if this isn't enough to have you rolling in the aisles, I give you this. Honestly, even I felt a little dirty, a little like I'd died inside, after reading it. Probably because I couldn't stop laughing. (Thanks to Dr. N for this link. He's like Dr. No, but doesn't have a vowel after the N.)

BTW, which actress was your favorite Gladys Kravitz? I think mine was Color Gladys, Sandra Gould. Probably because she was on the show longer than original B&W Gladys Alice Pearce. Who died in 1966. Sorry, Alice. I have very strong opinions about situation comedies. I welcome all and any responses and comments on this and any Bewitched-related subject matter. But not about anything else.

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A Really Rough Ride(r)

McCain is the one with all the foreign policy experience, right? That's what he's been telling us, right?

So...how come he doesn't know who the Prime Minister of Spain is? And why won't he talk to him? Does he still think we're at war with Spain?

I don't need to belabor this. Others have done it well already.

Honestly, John, your age is showing. This isn't pretty; pretty damn ugly, in fact. Get out now. You're embarrassing yourself and the nation. We don't need four more years of Presidential embarrassment.

Vote Obama!

The Heart of Darkness

And the winner is...John McCain! For "Most Horrifying and Disgusting Political Advertisement Suggesting His Opponent is a Pedophile!"

Yeah. Just let that sink in. There it goes. Almost there...now - Scream! WTF! OMG! That can't be true!

But it is. In the latest of their attack ads, McCain and Co. have dusted off the already beat-down smear that Obama supports teaching explicit sex ed to kindergartners - with a twist!

I will not put the ad on my blog and I won't even link to it because it is contemptible. It is foul. You can find it on YouTube in a second if you want to see it. I've made myself watch it several times, gripping the arms of my seat to keep from tearing my teeth into the screen. The title of the ad is "Education" and it is ostensibly about Obama's lack of planning and depth regarding education. You might be interested in knowing that every quote used in the ad is at best taken out of context and at worst used as a lie; most are from op-ed pieces that actually savaged McCain's stance (or total lack of one) on education and the missing information gave kudos to Obama.

What is most foul about this ad is the suggestion, midway through, that Obama wants five year-olds in Illinois to know the graphic facts of sexuality before they can even read. This is another lie. And it gets worse when one reads the subtextual graphic imagery of the advertisement.

Like their previous ad about Obama as a celebrity, juxtaposing images of Obama, a giant stone phallic symbol and conventionally pretty white women, McCain is again playing the race card here. [See "miscegenation"]. And not just playing it - he's humping it for all it's worth. If you can stomach watching the ad, pay attention to the cut between an image of little children in school and its followup - a close-up of Obama looking downward, as though at children. Why this image? He's intended to be leering at them, smirking, perhaps even fantasizing.... This is supposed to put the image of Obama as a pedophile in the voters' minds. Nothing else. It is worthy of Hitler and Goebbels - they'd be mighty proud of McCain now.

John McCain needs to be a man and stand up and apologize to the American public for this ad. He should then fire his entire campaign staff and take himself out of the race. Nothing less will do.

Okay. Open fire!

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Now playing: Guadalcanal Diary - Where Angels Fear To Tread
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Why Does John McCain Hate America?

Specifically, why does he hate his fellow veterans so much?

Me, I'm sick of hearing that McCain should be respected because of his service. I used to agree with this. No longer. The cynical and manipulative way in which he is now using his war experiences as a POW disgust me. He can't even keep his own story straight; he changes it to fit the audience he's in front of at the moment. This suggests that John McCain has either one of the most deeply cynical political minds in American history or he has not much mind left at all. Either way, it makes him unfit to be our President.

And now we have his daughter out shilling for him, telling every veteran in the United States that they are little better than dog poo compared to him and his family. Watch if you haven't, but not after eating. You will lose your meal and John McCain ain't worth chucking up even a single McNugget.



Then you can take the antidote and read what another wounded veteran has to say about John McCain and how he disrespects his fellow men-in-arms.

Vote Obama! Stop the lies!
Vote Obama! Stop the lies

UPDATE: And here's a way to help stop the lies. Check out how much you'll save from Obama's proposed tax cuts and send the link on - make it go viral! (This won't work for you mega-rich plutocrat trolls that are always lurking around the 'Disease! You'll just have to pray to Jeebus that McCain wins and protects you and your Nazi gold. Hey, that's the first time I've mentioned Nazi gold on the 'Disease!)

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Now playing: Townes Van Zandt - St. John The Gambler
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The Right Stuff?

Pardon me for a moment while I wrap myself in the flag...almost there...ouch!...God, how do the Republicans do this...oh wait, yeah, that's it, baby, that's perfect!

Okay, let's get started.

Did ya hear the one about Sarah Palin being unfit to command?

See, one of the first things our potential Commander-in-Chief, Sweet Sarah, did after getting the Veep nod from Big John was to...illegally give away the date her son might be deploying to Iraq - a clear and complete violation of what the military calls OPSEC or Operational Security.

Now, you or I might end up beat down in the streets or hijacked to a secret cell somewhere after being disappeared by any combination of local or state police/FBI/Army commandos/secret Ninjas - like has been happening in St. Paul for the last week, "Heil, McCain!!!" - but Saint Sarah gets a total pass on this.

Why? Because she's "qualified."

If McCain wins, we are doomed. Doomed, I tells ya, doomed!

PS Apparently for questioning Sarah Palin's qualification claims on Huffpost, I've been banned from commenting there. I haven't gotten a reply from Huffpost yet about this, but the last comment I logged was about her and this issue. So much for liberal media.

PPS Are you bothered by the media coverage of the savage macings and beatings the Minneapolis-St. Paul police are delivering to protesters and peaceful non-protesting concert-goers? Probably not, because the media isn't covering it. Not nationally. It's ironic that Rush Limbaugh called for riots in the streets in Denver, but we're getting them in St. Paul. Is that irony? Or just reality. I can't tell the difference anymore.

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Now playing: Wipers - Land Of The Lost
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The New Nuclear Family

Get ready, kids, 'cuz Daddy's home! And he brought a new Mommy with him! Yeah! New Mommy!

Maybe Daddy will stop hitting Bobby now. And looking at Cindy in that scary way.

But, why does Mommy have so many guns, Daddy? And why is Jan pregnant?

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Now playing: The Buzzcocks - Different Kind Of Tension
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The Interview

Ya know, I once had a job interview for a crap telemarketing job that turned out to be a scam* but which involved a lengthy in-person interview, a written exam and a phone script audition. The whole thing lasted hours. For a minimum wage jerk job in rural Missouri.

This is more time and effort than John McCain spent picking his Vice Presidential running mate.

Nice job, John. I guess that's why you're the "World's Best Boss!"

* We'd call businesses in Chicago, offer a moronic and very expensive 1-800 plan to them that no smart bidnessman would buy, then a second unit would call back a few days later using our call-lists and offer a decent plan at a fair price! Our unit of several dozen callers made about ten sales in the few weeks I stayed there, while the second unit made hundreds. A bunch of bullcrap. Nobody at our end knew it was a scam until the operation folded. I think there was a lawsuit.

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