Sunday, October 4, 2009

Blessed Be the Dicks

Michael Moore has a diary post up on DailyKos this morning, about his faith and Jesus and capitalism. In sum, he writes that Jesus wouldn't approve of capitalism because it sacrifices the poor for the benefit of the wealthy. And I think he's fundamentally right about this.

Problem is, that's an outdated and sadly old-fashioned view of Christianity that Michael's carrying around. He needs to get hip, get now, get with the program!

The NEW Christianity says fuck the poor. Jesus only loves you if you are rich. Jesus only cares about you if you are powerful. Jesus will welcome you at the gates of Heaven himself, but only if you accrue wealth and power and abuse the privileges of such to the fullest during your mortal life span. The poor and the powerless, being poor and powerless, have no right to pity or mercy or the blessings of God. If they did, they'd be rich and powerful. Ergo...

I'm not making this up out of whole cloth, kids. This is modern-age Christianity - circa 1935 on. Read The Family and you'll finally be able to understand why the wealthy and powerful seem like such dicks. Because they think they have the right be to be dicks. The heavenly right to be dicks. The heavenly right to do whatever they want, damn the consequences, because there are no consequences. Screw morality! Screw ethics! In fact, there are no morals or ethics to screw in the New Christianity, because morals and ethics are the petty rules of the poor and powerless and Old Christianity, meant to constrain the rich and powerful and prevent them from heedlessly trampling upon the poor and powerless. (Does your head hurt yet?) Therefore they must and can be safely ignored in the pursuit of wealth and power. 'Cuz Jesus say so.

"Blessed be the dicks."

So ends the sermon for this Sunday, October 4, in the year of His Blessed Savageness, 2009. Amen and go with Raptor Jesus! May his teeth shine light upon the wicked in the darkness and his claws rend justice unto the deserving!