Saturday, October 31, 2009

Hello, Larry!

When's Lawrence O'Donnell getting his own show? This clip is awesome - he puts his boot so far up the entire lying Cheney family's collective butt Lawrence will have to have it amputated at the hip to free himself.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Orange You Glad...


"No time to read the big long bill of many pages, but it's trash. And we can do better. You just wait! We'll show you! Really, we will. Seriously. Next week...Can I go now?"
I love the enthusiasm in his voice. He's already thinking of the tanning bed.

Holy Health Care, Batman!

I keep getting Rep. Alan Grayson confused with boy-wonder and nighttime pajama-wearing superhero Dick Grayson. Mom should never have put the B&W in the crib, I guess.

Check out new superhero Grayson speaking truth in Congress. I think the walls shook a bit at the unexpected introduction of reality.

And here's a freebie idea for DC-area fans of Grayson, the truth and health-care reform:

Get the names of the dead lost to lack of health care and go to Congress and politely walk along-side every entering and exiting member of Congress - Republican and Democrat, Senator and Representative - and read their names aloud.

Don't harass, don't yell, don't scream. Just politely and firmly read their names. Let them be remembered. Let their deaths not be in vain.

Remind the bastards that this is literally about life and death and it's their responsibility as our elected leaders to do something about it.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Honor Past Due

I'd like to propose a Constitutional Amendment:

"The President of the United States of America shall be required to personally honor every citizen-soldier fallen in the service of his or her country during that President's term of office. Such act will include but not be limited to the President's presence at the return of the physical remains of every soldier to American soil. There shall be no exceptions."

President Obama took responsibility this morning for his actions. George Bush never had the guts to do this.

How will the right attack him for it? Let us count the ways....

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Before Your Eyes...

Open this in multiple windows and hit play over and over again, waiting a random amount of time between the start of each play.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Have a nice weekend!

Friday, October 9, 2009

And One for Barry White

Just another affirmative action notch in Barry Obama's belt this morning, kids - a stupid Nobel Prize for Peace.

You know what this means, right? Conspiracy. You know it and you should fear it! Today, the Nobel Prize committee conspired with the NWO Party Planning committee and the Never Give a White Guy a Break Breakfast Club to take our country away!

By country, of course, I mean Norway. Barry's now hoodwinked the Norwegians! Can you believe it - the Norwegians! Those poor, pale people. What did they ever do to him, besides being born pink and probably very cold.


This morning's blog post has been brought to you by the Demon Alliance of Glenn Beck's Head. If you've enjoyed the Demon Alliance of Glenn Beck's Head, please take a moment to express your appreciation. Thank you!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Eternal Lie

"Guns don't kill people..."

Right, it's people who illegally sell guns to people who can't legally buy them that kill people!

Gun Control. Now.

And just shut the hell up to all you crazy-ass right to bear arms freaks. We've had the discussion before. You lost as far as I'm concerned. Won't have it again.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

What Would Cyborg Pirate Ninja Jesus Do?

It's like Christmas, the presents just keep coming.

Now, the folks what are always telling us that every word of The Bible is literal, unchanging truth and should be adhered to like glue...are rewriting The Bible. Or at least the part that matters, the one with Jeebus in it. See, it's too liberal and they need to make it more conservative.

Stop laughing! I'm serious! Really, hahahahahaha they are hahahahahahaha rewriting hahahahahaha The hahahahahahaha Bible!

Just like Jefferson did. I'm sure. I bet they're going to create a humanist text revealing the core philosophy of Christ, stripping out every reference to the divinity of Christ and the supernatural (miracles, etc) and get back to the basic message of the King of Peace!

Well, amen, I say! Hallelujah! Right on, brothers and sisters!

Oh, this just in. The word "peace" will no longer be in the Jeebus Part. Here's Rule #4 these Think-O-Maniacs came up with:
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
I'm gonna be sick. Hahahahahahahahahahahapuke.

[Can someone 'splain to me, please, what's wrong with "miracle"? I get "word" - it's got "urban" ie black connotations now. Jeebus didn't like the black folks, we all know. And "peace" has been all crazied up by people who want, uh, peace in the world. Bastards! Stoopid liberals ruining a perfectly good word - um, I mean, collection of letters representing an idea or thing or action. But "miracle"? My money is on a fracked-up association with homosexuality but I'm probably wrong. What am I missing? "Miracle on ice"? Do conservatives hate hockey too?]

UPDATE: Here's what Conservapedia says on the "librul outrage" over their proposed bastardization of the Good Book:
Liberal hypocrisy anyone? In their condemnation of the Conservative Bible Translation Project, the critics have forgotten their praise for last year's "Green Bible", an eco-friendly edition made from recycled paper, processed soy ink, and the words of nature - not Christ - in green.
Gosh. I never thought of it like that. Printing some words in an edition of The Bible in green while others are not in green is EXACTLY like editing it to conform to your twisted, hateful, mean-spirited, homophobic, racist, sexist political agenda! Exactly. No difference. Libruls is stoopid.

UPDATE DOS: I'm so seriously amused by this, I can't stop reading about it or sharing it. Here's the Conservapedia timeline on accomplishing their exalted mission:
How long would this project take? There are about 8000 verses in the New Testament. At a careful rate of translating about four verses an hour, it would take one person 2000 hours, or about one year working full time on the project.
So, if they get, like, 2000 dedicated conservative Bible-istas, they can have this whole thing done in ONE hour!

By the power of Grayskull! Bastardize thine Holiest of Holies!


LAST UPDATE (PROMISE!): In the midst of all my rabid amusement over this stunning announcement, I missed this example of the type of change they intend to inflict on the New Testament, which actually tempers my pleasure somewhat (from the Conservapedia project page):

First Example - Liberal Falsehood

The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.

Really. Seriously. They are removing as liberal propaganda one of the loveliest and most touching verses in the New Testament, a line that has always made me stop and think about how I treat other human beings, about how my own ignorance can hurt others and how I need to temper my anger and slow my wrath and stop being as critical as I know I can be without knowledge of another's heart (everywhere except on this blog, of course). A line, too, that in the King James is one of the sweetest sounding verses to ever roll from human lips. The cadence and sonority of "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" makes me weep, it is so lovely. It's a poem in and of itself.

And doesn't it seem like they are praising the executioners of Christ while putting down Jesus at the same time? Assuming an historical personage like Jesus Christ ever existed, of course. Which I doubt. What are we looking at here? Did Nancy Pelosi invent a time machine, travel back about 2000 years and somehow manage - with the vast knowledge of ancient Middle Eastern languages one must assume she has, as the Anti-Christ's Playmate - to sneak this totally anachronist crazy liberal verse into a draft version of Luke? It's very strange, very WTF.

But why? Well, by comparison why is pretty easy to understand. See my previous post. This is the New Christianity at work. A Christianity without pity. Without compassion. Without love. Everything else, I guess, is just fear.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Blessed Be the Dicks

Michael Moore has a diary post up on DailyKos this morning, about his faith and Jesus and capitalism. In sum, he writes that Jesus wouldn't approve of capitalism because it sacrifices the poor for the benefit of the wealthy. And I think he's fundamentally right about this.

Problem is, that's an outdated and sadly old-fashioned view of Christianity that Michael's carrying around. He needs to get hip, get now, get with the program!

The NEW Christianity says fuck the poor. Jesus only loves you if you are rich. Jesus only cares about you if you are powerful. Jesus will welcome you at the gates of Heaven himself, but only if you accrue wealth and power and abuse the privileges of such to the fullest during your mortal life span. The poor and the powerless, being poor and powerless, have no right to pity or mercy or the blessings of God. If they did, they'd be rich and powerful. Ergo...

I'm not making this up out of whole cloth, kids. This is modern-age Christianity - circa 1935 on. Read The Family and you'll finally be able to understand why the wealthy and powerful seem like such dicks. Because they think they have the right be to be dicks. The heavenly right to be dicks. The heavenly right to do whatever they want, damn the consequences, because there are no consequences. Screw morality! Screw ethics! In fact, there are no morals or ethics to screw in the New Christianity, because morals and ethics are the petty rules of the poor and powerless and Old Christianity, meant to constrain the rich and powerful and prevent them from heedlessly trampling upon the poor and powerless. (Does your head hurt yet?) Therefore they must and can be safely ignored in the pursuit of wealth and power. 'Cuz Jesus say so.

"Blessed be the dicks."

So ends the sermon for this Sunday, October 4, in the year of His Blessed Savageness, 2009. Amen and go with Raptor Jesus! May his teeth shine light upon the wicked in the darkness and his claws rend justice unto the deserving!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Grandma! Where Ya Been?

More old monkey bones discovered!

Thank you, Science, for kicking in the teeth of creationism once again. You're a pal.