Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Time Travel is Bad

My response.

It's Willie Time!

Newt: You are so distanced from reality that you don't know what a janitor does, do you? Here's a reality check: 

"A janitor's job is also more dangerous than most American occupations -- and hardly fit for children, according to the Labor Department's description of the work. Janitors, it notes, 'may suffer cuts, bruises, and burns from machines, handtools, and chemicals. They spend most of their time on their feet, sometimes lifting or pushing heavy furniture or equipment. Many tasks, such as dusting or sweeping, require constant bending, stooping, and stretching.'"

Not to mention cleaning up the vomit of sick children. Custodial work is hard goddamn work. I know because I did this for a living once upon a time. It's back breaking and exhausting and requires more skills than the average person can believe.

How many kindergartners can sweep, mop and wax a classroom floor? How many first graders can prep, prime and paint anything? How many second graders can repair minor plumbing and electrical problems? How many third graders can shampoo carpets? How many fourth graders can safely move a 50-gallon drum of toxic cleaner? How many school children can work second shift to do all this work because most of it can't be done during school hours?

Finally: How many Newt Gringrich's are willing to work one  hour as a janitor?

The answer to all of these questions is: NONE. Especially the last.

Confession: I've been waiting 20 years for Newt to publicly show what a truly despicable person he is. It's been worth the wait.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Just Say "Jesus" First

Mmmm, kids, mmmm, bullying is bad, you know. So don't bully anyone, okay? Unless you say "Jesus" before you bully them. Then it's okay, because that's, like, your religious belief and it's okay then. Just say "Jesus" before you beat the gay kid in the locker room. Just say "Jesus" before you make the fat girl kill herself. Just say "Jesus" before you dump the pig's blood on the fake prom queen. Then it's okay. Oops. I forgot to say "Jesus" before I wrote this. But it's okay to say it at the end too. "Jesus." Yeah, that's good.