Dance Like This and You'll Be All Right!

Had some great fun this past weekend with a mysterious visitor from the North. Beers, laughter, BBQ, music, fun. Also hit the junk shops for old vinyl and scored a couple of mint Stanley Brothers LPs. Boy howdy! That's good shit, good shit indeed.



Pardon me for indulging my inner hillbilly.

Faking History

Lying about everything, but especially about history, is a specialty of Glenn Beck.

For example, one of his favorite "expert" guests is the bogus American historian David Barton, perhaps the one individual most responsible for all of the current lies about the Christian origins of our nation. Barton is as sleazy as they come, constantly editing historical documents to suit his own needs and taking them out of context to support his phony supposition that our nation was founded as a Christian nation by Christian leaders, amen, the end.

[For the best expose of Barton, check out Chris Rodda's awesome column over at Talk to Action where she regularly takes the hammer to liars and fools. Her Liars for Jesus is a great antidote to the kind of Christian nation myth the conservatives have been upchucking for the last decade plus.]

And now these lies have even filtered down to the level of t-shirt handy aphorism, as seen above. The religious right loves this George Washington quotation - they use it all of the time to support their fantasies about our history. But...but...it's a lie.Washington never said this. It's not in any of his speeches or letters or any other documents from his life before, during or after his Presidency. And they'll never admit it. 

Above is a pic from Beck's Saturday Godapalooza in DC. I hear Jesus returned, flew above the crowd and personally endorsed Beck as his mouthpiece on Earth. Oh, no, sorry, that was a dove shitting on his head. Same difference. Except doves and shit are real and Jesus ain't.

Let Money Ring!

I got a great troll comment last night about my snarky crap-down of Glenn Beck's upcoming ego-rama event in DC tomorrow. But I'm wondering if the troll who says he/she/it (what gender are trolls?) will be in attendance knows that they are giving their monies first and foremost to Mr. Glenn Beck's pockets and NOT to the charity being horribly abused and used promoted by Beck.

Yup, according to the Restoring Honor website:

"All contributions made to the Special Operations Warrior Foundation (SOWF) will first be applied to the costs of the Restoring Honor Rally taking place on August 28, 2010."

Yeah. What do you wanna bet that the above means SOWF ain't gettin' shit from Beck. They're just getting shit on. Poor fuckers.

We're Not Hitchhiking Anymore!!!

Advance Copy of Glenn Beck's Bullet Point Speech (with stage directions)
 
[Put vinegar in eyes to stimulate tear ducts]

[Enter - by golden jet pack]

• Cry.
• Talk crazy about shit.
• Cry.
• More crazy-ass shit talk.
• Cry.
• Speak in tongues.
• Cry.
• And now a word from our sponsor Goldline.
• Cry.

[Exit - on ebony palanquin carried by Nubian slaves]

[Count fuckin' huge mounds of cash taken from duped rubes and fools]

[Laugh at rubes and fools all night long while returning to my mansion in my private jet]

The Shitbird Has Landed

I've been renewing my spiritual self in a cave in Mongolia for a few months and have returned to America with cleansed body, mind and vision, ready to enjoy the post-racial eco-utopia that I was sure I'd find, full of solar cars, wind farms, organic rooftop gardens, mosques built within Jewish temples and both built inside Catholic churches and run by Buddhist monks and gay Baptist preachers, while choirs of white, black, yellow, red, pink, brown, mauve and gray sang socialist worker songs in praise of universal health care and the end of war.

And I find this.

Fuck me. I'm back to the cave. Screw you all later.