We're Not Hitchhiking Anymore!!!

Advance Copy of Glenn Beck's Bullet Point Speech (with stage directions)
 
[Put vinegar in eyes to stimulate tear ducts]

[Enter - by golden jet pack]

• Cry.
• Talk crazy about shit.
• Cry.
• More crazy-ass shit talk.
• Cry.
• Speak in tongues.
• Cry.
• And now a word from our sponsor Goldline.
• Cry.

[Exit - on ebony palanquin carried by Nubian slaves]

[Count fuckin' huge mounds of cash taken from duped rubes and fools]

[Laugh at rubes and fools all night long while returning to my mansion in my private jet]