The Teabagger's Manifesto

The above document was found in a large steel vault along with thousands of copies of same in the year 2525 by archaeologists Zager & Evans while excavating a large bunker-like structure in what was once known as the "United States of America," specifically in a region called "Nebraska." Little is known about "Nebraska" or what a "Teabagger" may have been, but no human remains were found along with the document. Given the nature of the text, scholars are puzzled. They can only conclude that whatever individual or group prepared this document, while strident in propounding upon their beliefs, they lacked the conviction of their words.

TRANSCRIPT of "The Teabagger's Manifesto"

I, [Crazy, Angry, Bitter, Racist, Deluded SOB], do hereby declare that I shall never, during the remaining span of my life, ever accept or receive any aid, comfort, sustenance or protection from the government of the United States of America. Neither shall I drive upon its federally-funded Interstates nor shall I fly in its federally-regulated skies, nor shall I drink its federally-mandated clean waters or breathe its similarly clean air; never shall I seek the protection of its armed forces, no matter how many Mexicans or Canadians may threaten me; and I will never again whine and cry about my tax dollars being used to help repair roads and bridges, to build hospitals, to educate children, to protect our borders and defend us against our enemies.

Instead, I shall curl up into a ball and die because there is no way I can survive in this nation by agreeing to the above.

Goodbye, cruel world!